Embracing My Queer Self

A reflection on the power of living authentically as a queer individual.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

I’ve fully embraced the label of queer—it’s come to feel like a badge of honor. Why? Because it’s this amazing, all-encompassing term that brings us together, even with all the differences within the community. Queer holds space for every part of us to exist and shine. We are it, and it is us.

Living authentically as queer isn’t just about being open about who we are—it’s about loving ourselves enough to let go of the shame we were taught. It’s about celebrating love, expression, and connection, unapologetically. It’s creating spaces where we can simply be, without having to explain or justify our existence. Living in our truth isn’t just about existing openly—it’s about thriving in it. It’s about rejecting shame and embracing the freedom to live our lives on our own terms.

I’ve come a long way in my relationship with the word “queer.” Growing up, it was used as a slur—along with other insults—designed to hurt and shame. But over time, I’ve come to see how that same word has been reclaimed, now representing a community bound together by love and resilience. Queer unites us, no matter how different our experiences might be.

For me, the power of the queer community has shown up in so many ways. When I adopted my son, other gay dads became a lifeline—our shared experiences created a support system that made all the difference. LGBTQ+ community centers have been places where I’ve found refuge when I needed it most. These are the moments that remind me how strong and loving our community really is.

When people ask, ‘Why do you have to make it a part of your identity?’ I always wonder, ‘Why do you make my identity such a big deal?’ I think about being gay—about being queer—every day, and it’s a source of pride for me. My identity is at the core of who I am, and I’m proud of it and the work I’ve done to embrace it. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.

At 28, I moved to San Francisco and found myself in a world where authenticity wasn’t just accepted—it was celebrated. Being true to who you were wasn’t the exception; it was the rule. I found a community that was rich in diversity, where different identities and experiences came together in this beautiful, shared existence. It felt like living under my own umbrella—free to express my truth without fear. For me, as a gay man, this was a transformative experience. It allowed me to embrace my identity in a world that often tries to silence us.

That experience opened up a whole new world for me. It gave me the space to explore my creativity and be myself, without worrying about what others thought. I began to understand what pride actually meant by embracing my queerness and the history behind it.

Queer history and trans history are deeply connected. The Stonewall riots, led by trans women of color, were a pivotal moment in our fight for equality. Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera helped unite the LGBTQ+ movement, and their advocacy continues to fuel us today. Audre Lorde, a Black lesbian poet and activist, challenged both racism and heteronormativity, leaving a legacy that empowers marginalized communities to fight for their truth.

Pioneers like Henry Gerber, who founded the Society for Human Rights in 1924—the first known gay rights group in the U.S.—laid the foundation for the progress we celebrate today. Today we stand on the shoulders of those who had the courage to live their lives authentically, at the cost of their own safety.

Authenticity nurtures trust and love, allowing them to flourish in ways that would be impossible if we weren’t truly ourselves. Living authentically has also shaped how I build relationships. Whether with family, friends, or my husband, being open and honest has created deeper connections.

Our history is filled with acts of courage—protests, fights for our rights, and celebrations of who we are. When we wave our rainbow flags, we honor those who came before us, claiming space in a world that often tries to push us down.

Queerness isn’t just about existing openly; it’s about living our truth, unapologetically. So, when someone asks, “Why do you have to make it a part of your identity?” Tell them “Because, we are it, and it is us.” We exist, proudly and unapologetically, not to provoke, but simply just to live.