My Gay Agenda

Yes, with the coming challenges to LGBTQ+ rights, I too have my own Project 2025—a Gay Agenda, if you will: to live with self-awareness and intention—unapologetically.

My Gay Agenda is about living truthfully, embracing who I am, and creating space for others to do the same. It’s about rejecting the shame society has tried to impose and choosing to live courageously—with curiosity and openness to self-discovery. Much like the word queer, this reclamation transforms what was once used to harm into a declaration of pride and purpose.

The Evolution of Queer

Words like Gay Agenda and queer have shaped how I see myself and my place in the world. On Grayer and Gayer, Jeffrey and I often use the term queer because it’s inclusive. It represents everyone under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, though it’s not without its complexities.

The term queer carries a painful history for many in the LGBTQ+ community. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, it was used as a slur—a tool of exclusion and shame. Even today, some in our community still recoil from it, feeling the sting of its past harm. However, in the late 20th century, groups like Queer Nation began to reclaim it, transforming the word from an insult into a symbol of pride and strength. This shift was powerfully captured in the chant that Queer Nation created as a call to action: ‘We’re here! We’re Queer! Get used to it!’

The Power of Queerness

Today, queer represents the freedom to live beyond society’s rules, to embrace fluidity, and to reject rigid labels. It’s a celebration—a declaration that our identities are real, unique, and deserving of respect. Just another piece of our Gay Agenda.

For some outside our community, queerness is viewed as a choice, not an inherent part of who we are. This gives them permission to dismiss our reality and see us only as mistakes or perverse because we make them uncomfortable. Why? Because we reflect back to them their own complexity, challenging the dichotomies they rely on to make sense of the world.

Our queerness disrupts their sense of normalcy, challenging them to confront aspects of identity they’d rather ignore. It’s easier for them to dismiss or vilify us than to face the possibility that the world—and they—are far more diverse and fluid than they’re willing to accept.

Our queerness isn’t a whim or an external decision—it’s a deeply authentic reflection of our inner selves, shaped by our experiences and our understanding of who we are. Queerness isn’t a decision; it’s a truth that emerges when we embrace ourselves fully. In this way, embracing our queerness is at the core of our Gay Agenda.

Reclaiming the Gay Agenda

In the 1990s, conservatives wielded the term Gay Agenda as a weapon to mock and marginalize LGBTQ+ individuals. It was framed as if we were orchestrating a coordinated effort to undermine traditional family values, promote homosexuality, and reshape societal norms simply by demanding equal rights and visibility.

However, the LGBTQ+ community reclaimed the term to highlight the absurdity of its conservative origins. Today, Gay Agenda holds a different, more powerful meaning. It represents our personal goals, pride, and authenticity—transforming a once-fearful narrative into one of empowerment and self-expression.

My Journey to Self-Acceptance

Just as we’ve reclaimed queer and Gay Agenda, I too have reclaimed my own path to self-acceptance. Having faced the sting of slurs like queer when they were hurled at us with vitriol, I fully understand how these words hurt us. The weight of those words, once used to dehumanize, is something I’ve lived through—and now, they are part of my power. No matter how much they tried, or continue to try, to tear us down, we will keep pushing forward, reclaiming those words. As Vice President Kamala Harris boldly said, ‘We are not going back!’ And I stand with that declaration—we are moving forward, stronger than ever.

This journey of self-acceptance hasn’t been easy or without struggle. I came out as gay in the early 1980s, and for me, it’s been a process of growth and discovery over many decades. Through this process, life has surprised me with many moments of clarity. If I pause and reflect, I can see the threads that connect my experiences and relationships to who I am today. Those threads remind me of who I am—and who I want to become.

For each of us, these moments reveal the love and resilience we carry, even amid societal pressures and personal doubt.

Love, Family, and Transformation

My connection with friends who have become family through shared values and experiences has been pivotal. Finding and recognizing these moments in my life requires reflection on the ways love, acceptance, and authenticity have shaped who I am. These moments often arise in quiet realizations or turning points—when I’ve been challenged to see myself and others more clearly, beyond societal expectations. They remind me that family isn’t just about biology, but about the connections we nurture and the spaces we create for each other to grow and thrive.

The adoption of my son nearly 20 years ago showed me the power of unconditional love—not just for my son, but for my husband and myself. It helped me reject societal norms and embrace my queer identity fully. This experience transformed our family, creating relationships built on trust, understanding, and unconditional support.

Queerness as Freedom

At its core, queerness is freedom, connection, and truth. By living with intention, questioning societal expectations, and fostering authentic relationships, I’ve found a deeper sense of purpose. This is the heart of my Gay Agenda: to live fully and authentically while creating space for others to do the same.

Living Authentically

If my Gay Agenda makes others uncomfortable, so be it. I’m here, I know who I am, and I’m living it—unapologetically.